Will you?

Omg can i scream out loud now? I feel ecstatic. Has been way too long since I've felt like this. But i'm not putting too much expectations or hopes in it. Cause i know how such stuff ruins everything. Finally able to spend some time with him before school starts. Hope it'll be fine hehehehehehe. Omg i can't concentrate anymore. Bye

Nothing else matters

Can't wait to see you again. Argh, this is why my mind contradicts myself all the time. I can say that i don't really care, but once you're within my sight, everything changes. Should i? Cause i don't wna sit around waiting.
Anw, side tracked, i'm sorry i couldn't be there for you i guess that's the worse feeling to feel. I hope you're in a happier place now and i really wish i could have taken better care of you when you're still around. I'll always always remember you no matter what. My little naughty girl.

Goodnight!

Older each day

I guess when you grow up, there's changes that you wouldn't even realize it yourself. Now thinking about it, i guess i'm really different this time. And it's the good kind of different. I wonder if one day you will ever look through this and laugh at me or even if that scenario will even happen. I can't really describe much about today but even for that 10minutes or lesser is able to make me happy for days. I used to think that it's impossible between us, but people around me keep encouraging until today. After what happened today i guess i can't just put you aside because it will be another regret in my life, so i've decided to get up and go. I don't really care about the outcome now because i just want to enjoy my life and i love how you have that same mindset as me. Ahhhh i think i'm going crazy. Hahaha.
School's gna start in like a few weeks time, so glad that i managed to scrape through another semester. Somehow i'm not dreading school. Hehe.

Sometimes when i think back, i guess the time doesn't really matter it's the quality that does. And that feeling doesn't seem to be that case... which is probably something good now i guess? Great day great night. Off to make my heart go dugeun degeun again!

Grow stronger

I love it now, and i have a feeling it's gna get better. Not gna rush into anything, i'll take it slow because it's the way to know that it's true. Srsly i can't believe you can make my day just like that, and can't believe how small little things can make me smile again. It's been quite some time since i had this feeling. Hehehe.
Honestly, i feel really lucky to have some people in my life that stood by me and offered so much help. Some that i even hurt before but yet still stay truthful and sweet to me. And i'll never forget the words they said to me.
ahhhhhhhhhh i'm just so happy tonight over the slightest thing.
I'll be happy for you.

Bastard

Feel so betrayed. But then there's nothing i can do, at least i know the truth in my heart. And somehow, the person i thought i knew was not the same person anymore. So much for considering and all those actings. And i won't let this create a fear in me. I guess after this, i've learnt so much more. It's the holidays now and i am gna make full use of these 2 months to enjoy myself. Can't wait to go overseas during June. Short trips. Love such feeling, of having a stress-free life. Can't wait for birthday parties and USS trips. Omg so many things to look forward to!
It's not hurt, it's anger.

Such is life

How people picked up friends when they just turned single are ridiculous. It can be so awkward cause y'all haven't been talking for years and all of a sudden, best friends again. Okay i'm just really pissed but i'm not gna mention it anymore. Finished my first paper of exam and i can't wait for the rest to end, life will be great after everything and i'm surprised how i can even manage to study so hard. And somehow, i don't feel the pain anymore. I think maybe cause most of the time he wasn't there for me, so i was mostly doing things myself and now i don't feel there's a very big difference in my life.
When you lose something, you gain some. And i think i really gained some really important people in life that if i have to go through this again to gain these people, i would do it all over again.
So thankful and grateful about these people who enter my life and helped me so much.

And i need to start sleeping normally ! Everyday i sleep damn late and wake up in the afternoon, this should only happen during the holidays. And even though i rly like doing this, but idk why but i'm quite sick of it cause i haven't been seeing my family for quite some time. Everytime i reach home, they are all sleeping. And i'm getting excited about so many things in my life right now!! Can't wait for everything to happen. Hehehehe.
Sometimes, i really miss you especially how we always do things at home and outside alone. Especially the weekends when i always used to look forward to, i can't stand it when i stop looking forward to my weekends. But thank god now my plans on the weekend always makes me excited so at least i won't miss you or think about you so much. And i really feel sorry that i have to cut off all contacts right now, because thats the only way i can do to help myself move on. I refuse to move on at the start, but seeing how much you refuse to be with me, i guess i'm being forced to move on. And i know that, once i've totally moved on from you, we can be friends again and it's really going to be perfect this time because there won't be unnecessary emotions involved.

Oh my family finally has a car! Mitsubishi, should be lancer but it's soooooo cool i can't wait to have my license now, i guess having a car really motivates! And my mum will drive me around with it, I AM SO EXCITED. But actually i'm being driven almost every night now, cute and funny chauffeur who comes and pick us up and fetch me home almost every night. It's so funny. Okay i'm off to have lunch and study, then i'll meet my friends for a short break! Everything happens for a reason, this is life, so suck it up and move along.

Have been really busy these few weeks, either studying or going out and never have i been home early before. Maybe thats also the reason why i fell sick today. Damn weak and damn pain, like really sick now. But i guess the heart won't be as pain as when I'm canceling the birthday chalet. All the effort, half the money were gone. Maybe this is numb, maybe this is running away. But i'll do anything to stop hoping or stop thinking about you. How long must it take before i can totally put you aside. My heart still hurts when i hear your name, my heart still skips a beat when i hear about your life. Maybe that's why i'm giving my heart a break, by not hearing you at all and not knowing anything about you or your life.

Maybe i realize my mistakes a little too late, maybe i did all these things a little too late. But at least i've learnt. And i just need someone, anyone to realize and appreciate that.

Exams are really nearing, and i need to study hard this sem. After exams then i'll be able to do anything that i want.

At least i'm busier now, and faced the fact that its really over between us. Three years, looking at all our photos made me realize we've been through too much. Really way too much. But i guess it doesn't really matter anymore. Someone told me to stop hoping, told me to inject opposing thoughts and thats what i'm doing every single day. It's painful, really painful, but he said thats the fastest and hardest way to move on.

I'm really sorry for whatever i've done but i know that i can't have the chance to make it better. But thanks for entering my life, thanks for making all these wonderful memories between us.

Goodbye love.