No more blessing in disguise

Have you ever stop believing in love? Have you ever believed in forever and eternity?

I once believed in it, maybe because i was young and stupid, always watching those lame dramas and thought that maybe true love really exist. Gave in my all, gave everything i could to make it happen but turns out to be a joke. From that day onwards, all i know is love is something you use to make yurself feel happy, to lie to yurself that you love this person wholeheartedly. Love is something you can either have it or not, doesn't really make a difference, doesn't really matter. Because afterall, at the end of the day you'll still be alone, either you stopped loving the person, or the person stopped loving you. It is something you use it to pass time, to make your life more interesting for that period of time. I once believed that in this world, there are still clean, decent, nice guys, I'll be able to meet such guys in my life but it was plain naive. Woken up from my fantasy and i knew in this world we're living in, there are no such guys. Such guys only exists in dramas, acting as a perfect guy every girl would die for but in reality, he's just another loser.

Forever and eternity are just words you use to please a girl, are words you go dictionary.com and search and remember what's the meaning. They are not words that you can apply it in your life, and never will be. Words are only for references, you google beautiful quotes and phrases but actually there are MORE quotes and phrases that contradict those quotes and phrases.

I know i was silly, naive and innocent at that time thinking that my life could have happy endings like every drama would have. Now that I'm forced to wake up in reality, i know that such a simple girl, such a simple person can never survive in this reality. I knew this world is tainted, but i once believed that at some corner, there will still be some place that have some people who are pure and simple minded without any complicated thinkings. But no, I've learnt my lesson knowing that being born into this world, you have to accept the fact that this world is tainted, this world can never be how i thought it would be, it is a suffering, a torture to come into this world therefore death is always an easier way out. Even going to hell is better than coming into this world. I've given up all hope. I know what I'm suppose to do, suppose to think, suppose to say, and i can never ever be that simple minded person ever again because i have to learn to be complicated in order to survive.

Those reading, don't be offended. It's just my personal thoughts.