Such is life

How people picked up friends when they just turned single are ridiculous. It can be so awkward cause y'all haven't been talking for years and all of a sudden, best friends again. Okay i'm just really pissed but i'm not gna mention it anymore. Finished my first paper of exam and i can't wait for the rest to end, life will be great after everything and i'm surprised how i can even manage to study so hard. And somehow, i don't feel the pain anymore. I think maybe cause most of the time he wasn't there for me, so i was mostly doing things myself and now i don't feel there's a very big difference in my life.
When you lose something, you gain some. And i think i really gained some really important people in life that if i have to go through this again to gain these people, i would do it all over again.
So thankful and grateful about these people who enter my life and helped me so much.

And i need to start sleeping normally ! Everyday i sleep damn late and wake up in the afternoon, this should only happen during the holidays. And even though i rly like doing this, but idk why but i'm quite sick of it cause i haven't been seeing my family for quite some time. Everytime i reach home, they are all sleeping. And i'm getting excited about so many things in my life right now!! Can't wait for everything to happen. Hehehehe.
Sometimes, i really miss you especially how we always do things at home and outside alone. Especially the weekends when i always used to look forward to, i can't stand it when i stop looking forward to my weekends. But thank god now my plans on the weekend always makes me excited so at least i won't miss you or think about you so much. And i really feel sorry that i have to cut off all contacts right now, because thats the only way i can do to help myself move on. I refuse to move on at the start, but seeing how much you refuse to be with me, i guess i'm being forced to move on. And i know that, once i've totally moved on from you, we can be friends again and it's really going to be perfect this time because there won't be unnecessary emotions involved.

Oh my family finally has a car! Mitsubishi, should be lancer but it's soooooo cool i can't wait to have my license now, i guess having a car really motivates! And my mum will drive me around with it, I AM SO EXCITED. But actually i'm being driven almost every night now, cute and funny chauffeur who comes and pick us up and fetch me home almost every night. It's so funny. Okay i'm off to have lunch and study, then i'll meet my friends for a short break! Everything happens for a reason, this is life, so suck it up and move along.

Have been really busy these few weeks, either studying or going out and never have i been home early before. Maybe thats also the reason why i fell sick today. Damn weak and damn pain, like really sick now. But i guess the heart won't be as pain as when I'm canceling the birthday chalet. All the effort, half the money were gone. Maybe this is numb, maybe this is running away. But i'll do anything to stop hoping or stop thinking about you. How long must it take before i can totally put you aside. My heart still hurts when i hear your name, my heart still skips a beat when i hear about your life. Maybe that's why i'm giving my heart a break, by not hearing you at all and not knowing anything about you or your life.

Maybe i realize my mistakes a little too late, maybe i did all these things a little too late. But at least i've learnt. And i just need someone, anyone to realize and appreciate that.

Exams are really nearing, and i need to study hard this sem. After exams then i'll be able to do anything that i want.

At least i'm busier now, and faced the fact that its really over between us. Three years, looking at all our photos made me realize we've been through too much. Really way too much. But i guess it doesn't really matter anymore. Someone told me to stop hoping, told me to inject opposing thoughts and thats what i'm doing every single day. It's painful, really painful, but he said thats the fastest and hardest way to move on.

I'm really sorry for whatever i've done but i know that i can't have the chance to make it better. But thanks for entering my life, thanks for making all these wonderful memories between us.

Goodbye love.

It's you

I guess after that night, i managed to convinced myself that would be the last. I know what i did, and i know what i'm doing now. I might make mistakes cause everyone is not perfect, but at least i'm trying to improve. It might be late to some people, but at least i'm trying to be a better person now, and i guess ultimately it benefits myself. End of the day i will still want myself to be happy, and obviously my loved ones. And i guess that i can't force into things if it's not gna work out or happen.

Okay life has been busy, and i finally managed to study hard again. Phew, at least i can concentrate now. But IMC is rly a bitch, i'd rather study SQ than this. I guess everything is working out in my life now except for love life. Hahaha, can't have everything huh. I am so annoyed by some stuff to the extend that i can't really be bother about it anymore. Like i really wna care about it, but.... yeah.

AMERICAN PIE SOON PLEASE OMG. I NEED to watch that show. Gna start working more often now, really in need of moneyyyyyyyy and the way i spent it is faster the way i earned it. Hahaha.

Okay one episode of show and i'll go to bed. Promise. Hehe.

It has gone to waste, but i know its love.

Hunger Games

This is the very first time after sooooo long that i got mindfucked so badly by a guy. To the extend that every little actions or even just one word or anything, can make me think so much. It is able to drive me nuts, either making me fucking sad or fucking happy. And i'm really tired of this, or i'm disgusted by myself. I can't stand myself right now, so weak and so worrying. I'm promised myself a lot of things from that day onwards and i'm gna make sure i get better. So far my days are just very routined, but i'm getting used to this life. All i want is my mind to be off things i dowan to think about, and concentrate on my studies and my work probably right now. I had enough, had it. I want people to stop worrying about me, i want people to start feeling happy around me, like always. In the past, i always make people laugh that people love hanging out with me, now i only make people worry and heart pain for me. I need to revert back to that cheerful crazy beverley and I'm starting my journey.

Watched hunger games today, this movie is really good! Very very cool but a little exaggerating! Don't really like the ending though. Had a catch up and slacking time. I always feel better when I'm out of my house, this might be running away but i won't run forever. One day i will face myself alone at home and i have to be strong to handle it. Everyone thought i was stronger than i seem, but i guess when i fell deeply in love, i'm as weak as others. But i won't be weak for long.

Need to start studying soon, can't continue my life this way.

Next movie, wrath of the titans!

Learning guitar now. Hehehe fucking think playing the guitar is sooooo charming and i can't imagine if one day i can actually one full song. Everyday practicing the intro of Qing Tian and it sounds sooooooo good. Hahahahahaha.

And i can't believe some guys actually saw me once, but they kept wanting to meet me again. HAHA! It's so funny and cute at the same time. No harm making more friends now i guess.

Okay off to do what i do best, watch show!

Sweet dreams world. Let's start a new beginning, a new journey and lead a better life.

Three fucking years

Almost one year didn't touch this blog at all. Soooo many things have happened, friends come and go, having friendship problems like as if its my daily meals. I guess that wasn't as impactful as ending a 3 years relationship. I'm damn lazy to write in my diary so i'm here. I sort of gave up writing a diary. Because sometimes i'm writing for someone but it always turns out in a way that i didn't expected. It has been almost 3 weeks since the incident happened. Ironic, 3 years relationship and now it has been 3 weeks. I beat myself up for what happened, but i guess when such things happened, it won't be just one party's fault. It takes two hands to clap, no matter how badly i want to try to fix things, or pull out the root of the problem, if the other party don't even want to fix it, i won't have the enough strength to pull out the root.

I know it's gonna take time for me to recover, and i know i have to do it.

I can't run forever, i have to face everything that is brought in front of me. I'll be badly wounded, but i can heal faster. I'm addicted to traveling, because it takes my mind off things that i don't wish to think about. End of the day, i can tell myself i did tried my very best to get him back.

I'll grow up, be mature, learn from my mistakes and live a better happier life.

Hello

Testing Testing. Hahaha