The pain.

What am i doing to myself ? Every single day i torture myself with the thoughts of him, the words he said, the reaction and actions he gave me.

I asked him "if you were to choose those friends and me, who were you to choose ?"

"Both"

"why?"

"don't ask already"

He said "I'm myself with them and i feel v happy n comfortable with them"

"then why i see you like not really yourself when you're with them"

"because you're over there what"

one minute of silence.

Now i realize those things that i once gave him became so useless. I'm heartbroken yet i have to act like I'm tough, and i have to act like i don't give a damn about it.

I still remembered, his friends put him aeroplane on his birthday while i celebrated with him. An event as important as birthday, his friends at the very last minute say they can't make it.

Every problem he face, every difficulty he face, I'm always the very first to stand in front of him and protect him. I'm always the very first one to be there for him.

Am i stupid ?

To be with a person who no longer love me as much as before ? It's as though it's a one sided love.

To suffer everytime i felt his coldness.

The pain on my finger, on my hand, on my leg can't be compared to the pain I'm feeling in my heart.

Everything is not the same. I wonder if now i do things it would make him happy or make him feel awkward. I can stare at something blank for quite some time, like an idiot. My mind went blank and i lost expressions. I often stay still for a period of time until i realize I'm stoning then i started to move. What is going on with me ? Who will be willing to pull me out of this damn thing?

Is he worth all these ? We might be too young to talk about marriage, but if we're not gonna talk about marriage, i won't go into a relationship because it will end sooner or later, so why go into the relationship.

I don't feel like saying anymore.

I hope the person who is doing all these to me, could stop soon or even feel a little guilty.

xiiaozhu-